Free Range Homeschool

Allow me to describe my experience with Dell so you can get the full scope of what Dell ownership might mean for you. Pull up a chair, get comfortable with some tea or coffee because although this might take awhile to tell, it will either leave you laughing or crying.

After much debate, I decided to buy a Dell (which is why, folks, we’re here…and probably my first mistake). It arrived earlier than expected (yay Dell!) and I quickly went about setting it up. I’m plugging in cords, I’m doing a happy dance, I start up internet, I’m creating accounts, life is good. Except, no internet. I go through my own limited repetoire for fixing the problem and call Dell. And call Comcast. and call Dell…and spend approximately 6 hours or so going back and forth between the two of them like a tennis ball at Wimbledon. During this volley I’m advised by a Dell technician to unplug my computer. I do. He asks “What’s it doing now?” Is this a trick question? “You told me to unplug it, it’s not doing anything!” “Oh, I meant disconnect the internet.” Well you didn’t SAY that, you said UNPLUG it. I finally get fed up on day two and call my geek friend who actually fixes the problem.

Day two of (working and surfing) computer ownership, my brand new Dell goes into sleep mode and won’t wake up. Great, I have a narcoleptic computer. I hit the power button. Nothing. I wiggle the mouse. Nothing. I tap some keys…you guessed it. Nothing. I unplug it from the wall, replug it in and voila…computer. The next day, same thing. So back on the phone with Dell, at which time I’m advised it’s perfectly safe if I need to just keep unplugging it from the wall. It won’t hurt the computer at all. Great, except then why does it have an ON button if I’m not supposed to use it? Three calls later and another call to my geek friend (who has me change my power settings) and the problem is fixed. That is, until my new Dell, who should now be dubbed “Christine” because she’s out to get me, goes into sleep mode a week later and refuses to wake up ever again.

Back on the phone with customer support who spends two hours with me taking it apart and putting it back together to no avail. Now they FINALLY agree to send a tech. The next day (again, YAY DELL!) they send a fellow out to change the motherboard, the PSU, and the front panel (the power button…you know, that little thing you push with your finger). Of course, I’m sitting here thinking that if that much of the guts need to be changed out, it might be better to just take it out back and shoot it and send me another. But who am I to judge. The very nice tech changes all appropriate parts except, whoops, they sent him a USB port instead of the power button. Well, here’s to hoping it’s not the power button.

Guess what? It’s the power button. We plug her in and nada. Not only nada, but even less than I had to begin with because now you can’t even here the faint whirring of the fans. It’s like it’s not even plugged in. Back on the phone with Dell support, who can’t seem to think past their check list, and I’m promised a new part will be sent out in two to three days. Except, for us, here in the U.S., that puts us into a long weekend. There’s no way the tech is going to get his part, and get my new Dell fixed by 5 pm on Friday, so we have to suffer through the holiday with the clunker which is so far gone at this point it’s useless for anything more than email. It’s like having a nice shiney new car in the shop and still having to drive the 20 year old beater.

I try to explain to customer support that this isn’t acceptable. They’ve screwed up, my daughters (who are homeschooled) are now a week behind on their schoolwork, I have invoices from a home business piling up that I can’t process and get paid for, and they can’t expedite the delivery of a part? Wait for it…here’s what I’m told: “I’m very sorry ma’am, but we are experiencing a technical problem in our order department.” Are you kidding me? You’re DELL and you have a computer problem?

Fast forward to Tuesday, it has now been a week without a working computer (but I do have a very lovely $600 doorstop)) and my tech shows up with a spring in his step and produces: ANOTHER USB port. He’s aghast. I’m aghast. We’re both on the phone with Dell. This is AMAZING. Not only did they send the wrong part AGAIN, they sent the SAME wrong part!

After I get past the snarky operator (I see here you’ve already scheduled a technician, what do you hope to accomplish by calling us again? Well let me think…oh, I hope to get a WORKING COMPUTER SINCE YOU’VE ALREADY GOT MY MONEY!) I’m advised it will be another 2-3 business days. Dell has protocols, of course, and they can’t put a toe outside them. I will admit, at this point I’m past polite and my 11 year old daughter, who should be doing homework (but can’t) comes into my room to see what I’m yelling about. I want the part overnighted. They don’t do that. I want to speak to a supervisor. I want to speak to the supervisor’s supervisor. I want my computer fixed because I’ve owned it a month now and it hasn’t worked up to specs since I got it. They want to trouble shoot again. No, it won’t turn on, how do you troubleshoot a computer that won’t turn on? (What’s your computer doing right now? NOTHING. What happens when you do…. NOTHING. What color is the light on the ON button? THERE IS NO COLOR BECAUSE THE ON BUTTON DOESN’T WORK! I know what’s wrong with it, I know what would fix it, if you would just send the RIGHT PART this time. I tell the supervisor to PLEASE read my file, and notice how many times I’ve called, and how many times my problem has NOT been resolved, and then tell me they can’t overnight my part. It gets overnighted.

My technician (who now should be on my Christmas list he’s been to my house so often, and who himself feels he should have brought coffee and donuts with him) is feeling downright jaunty as he unpacks the box. New PSU. New motherboard. It feels like Christmas in my house. And a new…you got it. USB port! Simultaneous jaw drops. My 11 year old, ever the savvy one, says “maybe we should ask for a new USB port and they’ll send the ON button?” She might be on to something.

He calls Dell and they try to trouble shoot with him. He very tersely explains he is not the client, he is the technician, and he KNOWS what’s wrong, they just won’t send the right part to fix it. Finally they offer to send a new computer. Halelujah and stop the presses, now we’re getting somewhere. Because, honestly, I don’t even want this thing anymore. My fantasies about owning a Dell are now starting to resemble that scene from Office Space (yeah, you know what scene I’m talking about) except I’m thinking thermite and possibly a pack of urinating dogs should get involved.

Except, I’m informed it is 7 business days to get me a new computer. Are you kidding me? We’re looking at possibly next Friday, which puts my kids behind in school 3 weeks, not to mention just the general aggravation of not having a decent computer. That will be approximately 6 weeks of interest on a credit card for a computer I still can’t use. When I try to express that, again, this isn’t acceptable I’m given the very sales school “I understand you are very frustrated.” Great, I’m conveying my emotions well…see, we’re communicating. Now how about expediting that delivery? NO can do. You can expedite a part, but not a whole computer? You have no computers anywhere in the United States you can’t pull out of a warehouse somewhere and send to me? Are you kidding?

So at this point I don’t think it’s unreasonable to request an extended warranty, since it seems painfully obvious I will probably need it, and it seems fair compensation for the interest I’m paying on an item I can’t even use. I am very tersely informed there will be NO compensation for my inconvenience and that replacing the product is compensation enough. Heck, even Mcdonald’s will throw in an extra order of fries for making you wait an extra 5 minutes. I’ve been waiting 6 weeks! But nope, no can do. They completely botch my order not once, not twice, but THREE times wasting my time and their own time and money to send a tech who can’t do his job. Sending the SAME wrong part THREE times is a level of incompetence I thought only Congress was capable of. And what I’m told is I need to understand they make millions of computers.

So, are they telling me they make so many computers it’s a crap shoot whether or not you get one that actually works? Or are they saying they make so many computers they SHOULD have enough practice by now in getting things right?

Either way, I looked into just returning the whole damn thing and maybe going to the darkside and getting a Mac, but would you believe you can only return your product within 3 weeks of the invoice date? Well, they made sure that window was closed and locked tight for me. Not only that, they still won’t refund your shipping fees, so I would still be out about $100 round trip for this piece of scrap metal.

Bottom line? Don’t buy a Dell. They are a lot of flash and hype and what it comes down to is that their customer service is just some very good PR. I’m sure they work great when they actually work (or maybe not, I wouldn’t know), but in this economy, can you afford to blow your money on the one that won’t even turn on?

See, this is me…freaking out.  Jess got into her first choice of magnet school.  She’s excited…I’m MUCH less than enthusiastic.  She jumped up and down for glee…I went up to my room and cried.  I figure I’ll get used to the idea; in a year or two.  There’s going to be grades.  And peer pressure.  And standardized testing.  I feel like I’m throwing her to the lions and she’s dancing gleefully into the arena.  I’ve talked to a few parents about her going and of course all the public school moms say “Oh, I went through that when so and so started Kindergarten, but she’ll be fine, she’ll love it.”  And I’m sitting her thinking if every mom goes through that when their kids start kindergarten, it’s amazing any of them ever get on the bus.  The homeschool moms say “don’t worry, we’ve got 6 months to talk her out of it.”  Unfortunately, she’s got a bit of my bull headedness so I’m not feeling optimistic.

J.

I’m still trying to figure out plug ins, widgets, and the like so if things seem…disorganized…it’s not just my usual state.  I probably tried something on for size and got stuck in it.  It’ll probably be gone in a day or two.

J.

Ok, not really, but my daughter informed me today the reason she wants to go to middle school is to get away from her younger sister.  This is not unfamiliar since one of our homeschool moms enrolled her daughter for the same reason…she needed a break from the younger sibling.  Ironically, a couple years later HE wanted to go to school and he’s in the same school she is.  Still, it’s different than having the pesky halfling underfoot, slamming her door, and constantly conspirting to steal your toys, projects, and in some cases lunch.  (I suppose in school, that’s what your peers are for).

Resigning myself to the vow I made when I started homeschooling that I would only do it as long as it served both of us I went online and started looking for an appropriate school for her.  Not private school per se, because even with finanicial aid it would be out of our ball park, but perhaps a nice magnet school.  I was excited to find a Science and Technology school that worked in conjunction with a local University and thought was right up her alley.  It also starts in 6th grade and not 7th so she could go a year earlier than anticipated, which I thought would make her happy.  Unfortunately, she got snotty with me and said “Why can’t I just go to a REGULAR school?”  There’s something going on here that I can’t put my finger on.  This is a child who used to ask “Does the sun have a shadow?” and “Did the cavemen have religion?”  She won a programming award for robotics last fall…she used to eat and breathe science and she’s never been in a postion where it’s not cool for a girl to enjoy it.  I’m waiting for some epiphany to explain this to me…it was a shock enough to hear her want to go to school.  Maybe it’s just a ‘phase’.

We got a three year old Rottweiler for Christmas.  She was free, and my 6 year old fell in love with her.  My other two dogs (a black shepherd and an Australian kelpie) weren’t nearly so enamored and it took them about a week of snarling at each other before they decided she could hang out with the cool kids.  Remy is unphased and rules the house with all the langor of Jabba the Hut.  She is Mistress of all she Surveys from the chair she has commandeered in the living room where she sleeps belly up and snores, farts, and talks in her sleep.  It’s almost like having a man in the house again.

To go with these endearing qualities is her appetite.  This dog doens’t miss a meal.  Any meal.  Whether it’s hers or not.  She hears the fridge open and she’s like a line backer peering over your shoulder (or at least from around your knees).  She sits by the table and drools…I mean DROOLS…long strings of saliva from jowl to floor, hanging there like egg white paused over a frying pan.  She watches you eat with all the intensity of a starvation survivor, finally flopping herself on the floor like a child not getting her way, her head flat between her paws like a dog skin rug while her eyes say “If you loved me, you’d give me that pretzel.”  So, I imagine it was just a matter of time before she started helping herself to our food.

We went out last weekend and returned to find the lazy susan had been broken into, crushed Nori all over the living room floor, Fruit Leather wrappers scattered like dead soldiers, and little piles of regurgitated dried cranberries.  While I know little miss Petunia Pig orchestrated the break in, my other two dogs had no problem being an accessory to the crime.  The only thing that slowed the carnage seemed to be the issue with the cranberries, or they would have wiped us out of cereal, oatmeal, crackers, and everything else I keep low enough for the kids to help themselves to.

In response we’ve taken to bracing the cabinet with my daughters step stool so Remy can’t get her big head in there.  Or more accurately, she can’t get it out.  This morning I heard a commotion behind me and turned around to yell at the dogs (their cavorting often sounds like a pack of wild elephants stampeding from one end of the house to the other) only to find that Remy had tried to help herself to a snack.  I say ‘tried’ because she had gotten the turntable open enough to get her head in, but then had shifted, tried to use the step stool as leverage to get out, and shut her neck in the revolving cabinet door.  She didn’t whine or yelp, but was for all intents and purposes very calmy trying to extricate herself when I came to the rescue.  She looked at me with those sad sad eyes (the ones that say “I’m starving, can’t you see I might have lost an ounce in the past 30 seconds”)  and literally hung her head.  My poor, full figured girl was busted and she knew it.  It’s one thing to fail in pulling a caper off.  It’s another thing entirely to fail in such a way as to need rescuing.

J.

I started a blog yesterday….we’ll call it attempt number 32…and realized I wasn’t in Oz anymore.  My daughter and I picked a layout, made a couple posts, and realized we had moved into a new house without checking out the neighborhood first.  We’re kind of eclectic, agnostic Unitarian homeschoolers.  And everyone else…as far as the mouse could click…well, wasn’t.  We’ll just say everyone was a little less secular in their thinking, and between that and some hereditary deficiency that causes me to speak AND offend at the same time (my mother is Sicilian, don’t tell me it’s not hereditary) I decided it was time to cancel the lease and start looking for new digs.  This time, I got some recommendations and landed here.   So, before you blunder on clicking that random blog button (like I’ve been doing all afternoon) and find something that sends you scurrying for your Scriptures, you may want slap your hand over your eyes now and quietly close the door behind you.

For those of you that are still standing in the doorway, c’mon in.  Help yourself to a cup of tea and let’s chat.

When trying to decide on a blog name my 10 year old suggested Homeschool Zoo.  Except we’re more of a free range homeschool.  I’ve always had issues with limits…instead of staring at the fence every day and wondering what’s on the other side I just save myself the time of trouble of even putting one up.  It suits us.    With three dogs, two cats, and Norman the Lizard it’s appropriate…a zoo without boundaries.  Free Range.  Welcome to our wild life.