Tales from Cat's House of Homeschooled Kits!

Video games get a bad rap, can be all consuming, and expensive. My guys can so into a game  they forget to eat or pee. At the same time, they stimulate so many ideas and cooperation. They work together to find solutions t beat the came. On the monetary front, every time a “new” version of something comes out my kids want to have it. Thankfully they have allowance. If they have the money, they can get it if not well, there is always next week.

Games have been at the center of many heated conversations in our house. My older son would spend all day every day playing them. The older he gets the more he wants us to treat him like an adult, which to him means “Let me do what I want.” School work doesn’t get done, chores don’t get done, exercise is not even on the radar. 

They can be my friend when some critical things need to happen. If something has to get done and the guys are in their “We don’t have anything fun to do!” mode, I let them extra game time so I can focus on the issue and resolve it. It’s like the box of phone toys my friend kept on a shelf. When you have to be on the phone, down they come, the toddlers are enthralled because they don’t see these all the time. The mission gets accomplished quickly and without distractions.

Then there is the cost. Games for the Wii are about $50.00 new. Handheld game system games run about $30.00. This is very irritating when a “new” version comes out. I say “new” because I’m convinced that only 5% of the game is different from the last release. They have us parents over a barrel. 

It may sound like I hate games. I do have a healthy disdain for some of these video induced side effects. Surprisingly, each of these has major upsides! The all consuming foe has taught my boys about budgeting time and getting things done. They figured out that getting what needs to be done, done, they are free to do what they like. I also noticed that their time spent drawing and playing out side is on the increase too.

Friend, well, that is pretty much the same. However, like on the foe side of things, they game out. We used the games while traveling. After the first delay, I was so thankful they had something to keep them occupied until the plane arrived and it was time to board. After a while they wanted to read and tell each other stories. Later they wrote some of them down!

As for breaking the bank, they’ve learned a great lesson there too. They have learned to budget and plan for what they want. An essential lesson in the current financial climate. They have set priorities for games, movies, books, and other things they’d like to buy. They will even pool their money of items that are more expensive, cooperation expanded! 

Mostly what amazes me is how much they did on their own. Yes, my husband and I set limits and some goals for school work, but my kids have really internalized how to get things done. They have practiced wise spending, cooperation, responsibility, creativity, and critical thinking. It is easy to write something off has all bad for you, brain-mushing, and a waste of time, but it isn’t always totally true.

I was never so happy as the day I found out I was pregnant. After a doctor told me that I may have difficulty getting pregnant and that I may never have kids at all, to find I was pregnant sent me to the clouds. A baby! A family! Fourteen years later I have a contrary, mustachioed (thin but he cut it off with scissors), filibustering young man. 

On the one hand I am so frustrated! Every inch is an argument. My husband has offered to build the wheel of pain from Conan the Barbarian. His friend suggested military camp. Teaching was difficult, now he refuses my help in any form. He yells when I ask if he needs help “NEVER ask me if I need help!” and yells if I don’t “You NEVER ask me if I need help!” 

What can a parent do? What can I do?

It happened that one of the homeschool listserves I subscribe to had a parenting of teens thread. Not a moment to soon. Parents described their children, young adults really, as aliens, moody, argumentative, withdrawn, you name it. Hey, I have one of those too! A glimmer of hope. 

The subject came up about books. One book came up over and over. I figured there must be something in this book if over half of the posts referred to it. I bought a used copy on Amazon, Parent/Teen Breakthrough The Relationship Approach by Mira Kirshcenbaum and Charles Foster, Ph.D.. 

I must come clean. I have a book buying problem. I have shelves full of self help, eating issues, how to write better, teach dogs, parent kids, draw ocean animals, you name it books. The idea of buying another book is like adding a new brick to the foundation of a home that is never built. I don’t seem to read them once they are in the door.

This book is different. I can open it and read a page, a paragraph, or a single sentence and get something out of it. I read large sections some days, I read a few lines on others. It’s like the book doesn’t want to pressure me into reading it. Weird! and yet I keep reading.

And it works! I used the ideas and concepts right away. I use them every time I think of them.  He argues less, does more, smiles more, and lets me give him a hug now and again. My son is changed. I’ve changed. We are growing up together, not apart. We are a family growing up together. I love my teenage son, I’m keeping him.

I was thinking about it the other day, thinking about when I tell people I let my kids lead the way. I wrote a post about following your learners interests, needs, and passions. People often say to me, “My kid needs more structure”  or “My kid needs a schedule.”

That’s valuable need to know information! Take note!

These ideas are not contrary to following your child’s lead. If your kids need structure, or unstructrure, schedule, no schedule, honoring these things IS following your child’s lead. You are observing your child and making adjustments to help them learn more deeply, with more passion, and continued interest. If they need a schedule or all unplanned time, and you incorporate that into your homeschooling style, you ARE engaged in student directed learning.

Simply put, student directed learning means providing the setting, resources, subejcts, and opportunities your child needs to succeed. That is why this approach is so amazingly successful. You are always giving your student exactly what they require to learn. Trust the process, trust your kids, trust yourself!

I hear that often when I talk to people who aren’t homeschoolers. They are so earnest and concerned. “How could you possibly do it all, all by yourself?” The answer is, I don’t. In truth, I don’t know anyone who does. 

Today is a good place to start and a great example. I am laid up with chronic pain and can’t drive. My husband is taking the guys to their English classes. At 12 and 14 we opted to have them attend classes with another teacher. She has moved them well beyond where they were in terms of concept, outlining, and body. 

Wednesday, is baseball day. Another home school parent wanted her kids to have the opportunity to play team sports. She put it out there, as in announcing that she was interested in this happening, WHOA! the kids and families that came out. There are enough kids for two full teams over 9 players each.

Friday is Piano and Judo. The morning is greeted by the sweet melodies and comical circus moods of beginning piano. The lessons are across our small town and at the home another mom. In the afternoon, one hour of Judo gives release to pent up anything. 

In another event by a mom who wanted to try something new, trash was the focus. Our guys worked with a family in a nearby town and cleaned up a river. They charted the kinds of trash they found. They collected trash, hauled it away, and even provided cans and bags! Now cleaning up is easier. They can just change the bags and be done. 

I hate to be corny, but if you build it, they will come. If you offer a class, arrange an outing, coach a team, clean a river, plant a tree, whatever, someone else will be interested in that too. Ask yourselves two questions: What do I want for my kids? What am I willing to do to make that happen? Now get your friends and family to ask those too. I bet your calendar will be full before you know it!

I’ve had difficulties getting online and logging on to the blog to post. I’ve gone over and over stuff. I couldn’t think of what I was doing wrong. Ironically, this wasn’t the only part of my life I was having trouble with. My kids were getting rebellious about getting things done. My eating was out of control. My sleep was non-existent. 

One afternoon, I was talking to my son because I was  frustrated. He is 14 and he didn’t want to do anything that I wanted him to do. I’d tried the “You won’t get to play video games” approach to gain compliance. At wits end, I said in plain talk, “I’m frustrated. I don’t know how to talk to you to make sure this work gets done. ”

*insert magical transformation here*

My son got up and did what he needed to do to be done. That night I had a dream about over eating. Two days later I can log in with no issues and write a post. Sometimes it’s the acknowledging  that something isn’t working and letting it go that gets things done. 

Another great day! My kids did all their work with no hassle. I’m online. I’m not hungry.

Teens are hard and I’m hoping rewarding. No, I know they are. I have a 14 year old son. He is smart, funny, kind, clever, silly, and every now and then insufferable. My sweet birght eye baby is now a fuming, sulking, beligerant, young man. This has been the hardest year so far.

It seems that I am always wrong now. He isn’t afraid to let me know either. It’s not just me. He’s hard on his Dad too. I know he is learning to differentiate himself. I know all the stuff about developmental landmarks, and maturity. I miss being needed and hugged and all that.

Still, I follow his lead. He needs to pull away a little more, so be it. It has rewarded me with a smile, a joke, and a few hugs. This year he’ll turn 15 and next year he’ll be driving. Ugh! I love him and I’m so proud of the teen that he is. I look forward to young man he’s becoming.

This is the presentation that I gave at the 2008 HomeSchool Association of California (HSC) conference at the Radisson in Sacramento. There was an audio recording made of this but I don’t have a copy. I think the recordings for all the recorded speakers are available from HSC. You can check them out at www.hsc.org.

This is pretty fast. You can hit the pause button, it looks like this ll, to stop it. Then you can take your time to read the slides that have more information on them.

Click here: 4 steps to keeping your learner’s interest

I am a public school teacher. I teach adults that have not finished high school. I can also help students prep for the GED. In the public school system, I am used to meeting standards, and state testing requirements. For my own boys, I integrate as much as possible.

People ask me why my boys are so smart or know so much. I know they are pretty clever guys but I also know that they learn something when they are interested. By following their lead, they cover more ground and go to deeper depths than any public school classroom would allow. I think if every student could be trusted enough, they would reach thier full potential without question.

Trust is the biggest part of this equation. It is difficult to work in a profession where we are told to be the authority and the givers of information to let students lead. For me it makes perfect sense but at work, it is a big NO NO. Students are to be controlled, managed, and spoonfed state adopted text based information.

I teach a very diverse population. Many are second generation Mexican American, and now Russian. There is nothing less relevant to a new immigrant than a story about a white middle aged man who is contemplating suicide. Yet, there is little latitutde in changing curriculum. Trust the books, that is what the state says and many teachers follow.

When we ask the question “Why students aren’t leading in education?”,  we must be ready for the answer. We don’t give them exeperience and trust enough to lead. How can they know thier worth if they don’t know how to develop passions and interests?

My boys know that they are trusted to get work finished, to spend money wisely, to make good decisions. They succeed because they can and they do. When they don’t they learn from that to. My husband and I follow and bridge the gaps. The blessing of homeschooling is the trust.  Trust your children, trust yourself.

THis is my first blog on A2Z. I hope you all enjoy reading it. You can check out my other blogs and websites at:

http://catbaaloo.com

http://dyslexicat.catbaaloo.com

http://cats9thlife.blogspot.com/